Talking with your kids about underage drinking and driving
can be a challenging task, but experts agree that it is a necessary one.
Teens who hear a strong no-use message from their parents are less likely
to drink or use other drugs. But just because you know you should
talk with your children, it doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to go
about it.
The most important thing to remember when it comes to talking about
difficult subjects like drinking and drugs is that it's not a five-minute
"talk"
- it's about building an ongoing conversation. Here are some tips for
building a foundation with your kids:
Be absolutely clear
with your kids that you don't want them drinking underage.
Ever.
Anywhere. Don't leave room for interpretation.
Be a better listener.
Ask questions - and encourage them. Showing your willingness to listen
will make your teen feel more comfortable about opening up to you.
Give honest answers.
Don't make up what you don't know; offer to find out.
Use TV reports,
anti-drug commercials, or school discussions
about underage drinking and drugs to help you introduce the subject in a
natural, unforced way.
Don't react in a way that
will cut off further discussion.
If your teen makes statements that challenge or shock you, turn them into
a calm discussion.
Role-play with your teen
and practice ways to refuse drinking or riding in a car with someone who
has been drinking.
There may very well come a time when you need to build on that
communication foundation – and it could be a difficult time for you and
your teen. Here are some pointers adapted from
Parents: The Anti-Drug
Make a plan.
Before you engage your teen in a conversation, you’ll need to prepare
yourself. Go for a walk; sit where you can’t be disturbed, and think.
Reflect on the facts of the situation and try to avoid negative feelings
of anger and betrayal. Organize your thoughts.
Present the facts.
Set the tone by opening the discussion with a statement of your love and
concern for your teen. Calmly point out the facts as you know them: you
found evidence of alcohol use in their room or car; your teen has violated
curfews; grades have slipped; your teen has changed from being a “good
kid” to someone who is getting into trouble at home, or school, or in the
community; or simply, you have noticed your teen has become quiet,
secretive and has changed from the kid you used to know.
Listen.
After presenting the facts as you see them, ask your teen for his/her
response to the information you’ve presented. Listen to your teen. Hear
what he or she is saying.
Discuss.
The next step is to discuss the shared information. This may be the most
difficult part, as the tendency for both you and your teen will be to
respond angrily to each other. Don’t accept flimsy excuses. Be steady and
consistent in your approach. Don’t get lulled into “looking the other way”
because it’s easier. Know that you are doing the right thing.
Set Rules.
Firmly and warmly make it very clear that you will not tolerate drug or
alcohol use by your teen. Identify the consequences if they do use. [See
more about Rule Setting]
Set Clear Consequences – Reward Good Behavior.
Let your teen know that you will be holding him/her accountable for
his/her actions - and that there will be consequences for not following
the rules such as loss of privileges or restricting their curfew. Also
consider offering incentives or rewards. ‘Catch’ them doing something
right.
Road Blocks.
Don’t be surprised if your teen gets up and walks away in anger. Let
everyone cool down and prepare to have the conversation again. No matter
what they say, calmly remind them that nothing excuses your teen from
using alcohol or other drugs. [See more about
Tough Conversations]
Continue the Conversation.
Determine a time when you and your teen will have the next talk. Talking
to your kids about drugs is a continuous process - not an event. Let your
teen know that you will be having another “meeting” to check in.
